Yep, it’s been a while. Too long. Far too long.
I had to fail. Again.
When do we become sick of living like this? Constantly disappointing ourselves? Breaking promises to ourselves? When do I start feeling like a failure?
When I stop acting like one.
When I blog – like I said I would.
When I exercise – like I said I would.
When I write that novel – like I said I would.
When I go after that job – like I said I would.
I recently read The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield. In his book, he talks about Resistance, with a capital “R”. Resistance is what drags me away from my computer, hides my running shoes and destroys any confidence and purpose I may have had in myself. Resistance can take many forms, from excessive laziness (HGTV’s Tiny House, Big Living, anyone?) to becoming so enamored with a dream, you fail to make it a reality.
This has always been a struggle for me. I have struggled with self-confidence for years, but I have also struggled with doing things, because I want to do them – for me. Blogging has been a source of joy for me in the past, when I blogged for the business I worked for – and I truly long to enjoy the passion I had for it. However, doing it just because I want to, not because someone else needs me to, has proven very difficult.
I’m not saying I’ll be perfect. I’m just saying I want to try. I want to make the effort.
I’m tired of feeling like a failure.